Was I️ wrong to say something to my mother?
In the very beginning of my pregnancy, my mother was the opposite of supportive. She was not happy about the pregnancy and said some hurtful things. Fast forward to the third trimester and she’s all about I️t now.
Well when speaking to her around the 27 week mark, I️ mentioned giving my boyfriends aunt the option to be present in the delivery room if she wanted to be. To which my mom replied “you’ll already have a lot of people in there”. In my mind, the only people in the labor+delivery room were supposed to be my mom, my boyfriend and possibly my sister. So I️ asked her “who’s a lot of people” to which she responded “all of us plus Justin (boyfriend)”. All of us as in my mom, Dad, and two younger siblings... she made the decision that they would be present without asking me first! So I️ said “not sure if I want Dad and Aaron (brother) in there” and she made I️t a huge deal that they’d be traveling all the way from NY to OH and that I️t was rude of me not to want them in there. Was that rude of me?
On top of that, yesterday I️ mentioned to her that even though my boyfriend and I️ have a guest room, I️ think it would be best if my family (aside from my mom would could sleep here) could stay in a hotel room to minimize stress and discomfort for everyone involved, especially (selfishly) myself after giving birth. She called me selfish, and said I️ didn’t think about anyone else but myself.
I️ woke up to a snappy message from her saying that based on the things I said about my family, only she would be coming since she couldn’t afford a hotel and to board her dogs. So on top of expecting everyone to fit in my 3 bedroom (only 1 guest bedroom) house, she planned on bringing her two dogs and didn’t even ask or tell me. Don’t get me wrong, I️ love the dogs, but I️ have my own two dogs (one of which will be barely 9 months old AND not fixed at he time) plus three cats! One of her dogs is not fixed either and I cannot deal with my dog accidentally getting pregnant with a newborn to worry about. If we had small (and fixed) dogs I️t would be different, but 4 dogs, 3 cats, and 6 people squeezed into a house for a week after giving birth just seemed too stressful to me.
When I️ told her that, she basically attacked me and my personal thoughts and made sure to throw in a comment about how she was raised (and raised me) to always put family first even if I️t means sacrificing my own comfort temporarily. She said that she would come alone to make sure she can do what she needs to for her grand daughter.
I️ didn’t want to start a whole new argument, but I already have a feeling that she may be overbearing in wanting to do everything for the baby. For the first two weeks of life, from what I’ve been told, there’s a focus on bonds being formed with new mom and Dad, getting the hang of breastfeeding, and recovering from delivery. I’m not sure what she’ll need to be doing for her grand daughter specifically in that time, as I’ve been told more help is needed around the house than anything but I️ didn’t want to ask and risk adding fuel to the fire.
Was I️ wrong to ask my family to get a hotel room for when visiting after the babies birth?? She made me feel guilty as if I️ was the bad guy for even asking and even turned I️t into a whole “now nobody can even come” thing.
Any of your experiences would be greatly appreciated as I’m a FTM and have no clue.
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