In January my best friend raped me in my apartment. It took me months to realize the extent of what he did to me, holding me down, kissing me to shut me up, verbally abusing me after, not listening to me saying no. And it’s hurt so bad for months. Every time I see a ginger I have a panic attack. Every time a guy is nice to me I’m shocked. Every time someone shows me affection and is genuine about it, I panic and think they’re going to hurt me. I can’t sleep if my door is unlocked. I don’t trust anyone. And everyday I find out more issues that it caused for me. I feel hopeless now.