To the Guy in my Class...

To the boy in my class who I look at and stare at... and you stare back. To the noticed glances and when you forget to play because you're staring at me... to the boy who took me out on a date and then said we didn't have chemistry but still continues to have awkward sexual tension and staring and smiles and goofiness... I don't know how to tell you this... I have a boyfriend. I live with him. It's been a over a year I've dated him and I'd never leave him because he's who helped me through some really rough transitions in my life and will always stick by me. He's the one that lose his virginity to me on his brothers couch and loves to kiss me 21 times because I'm 21. I don't know what to tell you. I want to get close to you and I'm not stopping myself but the internal heart tearing inside of myself from this is making it so difficult to. I can't cheat. I won't cheat, I just want your attention and for you to want me back. I want you to wish you could've had me because all the other guys before I met the one last year never realized what they missed. They all wanted that skinny chick of the girls with green eyes or the baddie girls. I'm not one of those. I'm the awkward dorky goofy wears her heart on her sleeve but has a million walls up yet still flirts with you and you never forget it kind of girl. I'm the girl who intimidated guys quite a bit sometimes and I'm the girl with curves and a smile with bouncy curls you wish you could out your hands through. But only one person is allowed that other than me. And that's my boyfriend but you can dream all you want. I want what's best for you but I'm messed up and want you to want me so bad you beg for me.