Mom was right? lol

I spend my money on him, get him cute things, encourage him, lift his spirits, am always willing to listen, sent him cute booty pics, feed him, sex him up when he wants and I ask for nothing... or next to nothing in return. He doesn't message me, rarely does, forgets my birthday, has me waiting on him, gifts other people with little things but nothing for me... not even food and when I get food it's because I asked. The reason is lack of motivation and I'm stupid apparently and I empathize with that because I've been clinically depressed and I know what it's like to have no motivation to even crawl out of bed. but still. a little effort was all I needed to see. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I know I allowed things to get so far. it's my fault. I should have stopped this from day one. But now, I am so tired. I feel like I've been carrying everybody's emotional burden and my own. I am exhausted. My chest hurts. the way he's acting now, he probably won't even notice if I disappear.

Sigh... I just needed to get that off my chest. I know if I rant to mom I'll get the "I told you so" and I do deserve it tbh. But the consolation here is that I do feel a bit better after openly admitting my stupidity.