Am I ungrateful? Please help

I’m trying so hard not to sound like a brat and ungrateful but I’m very upset and I can’t bring it up to my mom without it being a fight. My whole life I’ve done things how she wanted me to and I’ve done the best I can to reach the goals she set for me. Things started to change when I met my husband. And I thought I could finally be the person I’ve wanted to be.

For the wedding I got the dress she wanted, the shoes she liked, did my hair the way she dreamed. All of which was very far from what I’ve dreamed of for my wedding. She has a lot more expensive taste and I’m more simple and easy going. But since her and my dad we’re paying for everything I went with things her way. We got flowers that she liked and I even had the girl she wanted as my maid of honor.

Now I’m pregnant with the first grandchild on both sides and it’s a boy which was the only way to carry on my husbands family name. And all I’ve been talking about it how excited I am to plan his baby shower and do the registry and be able to have all of these firsts and to have the families experience them with me. Today she told me she ordered all of the invitations and thank you cards, already had the decorations in the other room and she started on all the favors. But we haven’t even talked about a theme or anything I’d like. She pushed me into deciding on a name the night we found out because she needed to know for the shower when she knew my husband and I wanted to wait but to avoid a fight because I’m already stressed enough my husband and I decided to give in on a name. But that was it.

Now the whole baby shower is booked, planned and paid for and I didn’t even get to know or have any input. Which is something I haven’t been able to shut up about since I first dreamed of having kids. My mom also told me if we don’t get a registry done this weekend she’s just going to go by herself on Monday so it can be done and she can pick out what he needs.

I’m trying so hard not to be upset but this is our first and I’ve spent my whole life doing what she wanted. I thought once I was married and having a child I could live life my way. But it’s a fight if I even say anything that could remotely offend her.

Just today she screamed at me and threw a ham into the fridge because she said “guess what I made you” and all I replied with was “what?” In a low ton because I’m getting over a cold. But apparently I had a nasty attitude. And then she screamed more because I started crying.

I’m trying so hard to include everyone and be who people need me to be but I just feel like an awful person.