Closeted Transman

So as the title states, I'm a closeted transman (and also an asexual panromantic, not that that has anything to do with this) Most of my friends know and my fiancé knows. I had planned to come out fully and transition but then I met my fiancé. He's cishet and super loving and caring. From the very beginning, he told me he would stand by my side and support me if I chose to transition, but he wasn't sure if he would still love me the same way, since he's straight. I became too nervous to lose him so I pushed any thoughts and plans to transition to the back of my mind. I'm currently 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant and the weird thing is... I still wish I could transition, but at the same time, I'm excited to be a mom? I know that doesn't make sense. But anyways, I've just been having a tough time lately because of all of this. I've considered maybe that I could be nonbinary or genderfluid, but trans has always just seemed so right to me. I just don't understand how I can feel this way while also being excited to be a mom. At this point, I doubt I will ever transition, and that hurts, but I'm coming to terms with it, slowly. Anyways, sorry for the long rant.