Am I losing my mind? And my marriage? 😭😭😭

Hello friends,

I hope you're all keeping well!

It's 00:31 here in South Africa and I am in such an absolute state. My husband is a transgender man (FTM) 3 years into transition. I consider myself pan/Demi sexual. I was married in a heterosexual marriage for 2 years and with the same man for 10 years.

My hubby is an incredible person. We met when I had terminal cancer and he loved me nonetheless. I was diagnosed again in March and things seem to be different this time. It is almost as if he is irritated with my illness.

Recently he has been receiving a lot of attention within the trans community and was told yesterday that he has been shortlisted for transgender activist of the year. This seems to have caused a radical personality change. He spends hours a day on support groups and appears to becoming "one of THOSE guys" - his arrogance and coldness towards me has come out of no where.

I need to add that last year he was involved in an assault during the riots here in South Africa and received a massive blow to the head. He spent months in ICU and died on me twice. I have never ever left his side nor never not been his biggest cheerleader.

I love my husband dearly but all this sudden interest in going to gym, losing weight (when he doesn't need to) and his new group of friends has shown me something I have seen before. My ex-husband.

I haven't been well and have just completed a hospital stay with instructions to be on bed rest for two weeks. I am not some kind of wimp... I have been to hell and back and lived to tell the story. Pain is normal for me but these past few weeks have been excruciating. I don't want to complain but lately he has been throwing me with the word "whinger"

We have always seen each other as equals yet in some ways, I am very traditional. I always make sure the housework, washing and cooking is done. Recently he has just decided to stop eating and hops on the scale twice a day to weigh himself. Despite being told I am meant to be on bed rest, I am still trying to be the wife he wants. We had an argument because if I don't make food, he simply won't eat. Today was a rough day and I fell asleep just after 5pm so didn't make dinner. When I asked him if he had eaten anything, he said he wasn't hungry. He hasn't eaten all day and I know he must be hungry. You can't go to gym without fuel. I got up and made him a really good sandwich with some tea. He has decided to sleep on the couch and told me I wasted food because he won't eat it.

I don't understand the underlying anger towards me. We have always been a team. Hubby got incredible support when he revealed he was trans. I was the one who was attacked - lost my family and friends. To me, being with him is the only thing that mattered. To anyone who didn't like it, that was their problem.

I don't understand what I have done wrong? 😭😭😭 If you think I am in the wrong, please tell me as I love my husband. But everything is out of character recently.

My fears are this:

1. His dad left his mom when he couldn't handle her illness anymore. What if this isn't what he wants to be stuck with?

2. With him becoming more masculine and handsome, he keeps telling me how straight girls keep hitting on him at the gym.

3. Since my cancer is all in the pelvic region, contact sex is very painful for me. However, I ensure that I give him blow jobs and hand jobs regularly because I know he has a high sex drive from the testosterone.

Am I losing my mind?

Please can someone reply out there?

Thanks so much

Candice