I was raped by my cousin and brother as a kid and my two of my guy friends when I was 15. I've never told anyone other then my current boyfriend and the older I get the more it seems to bother me. I've been having more and more dreams like I'm reliving it. I think one of the things that triggered it more is my brother just had his first child. it was a girl. My brother only rapped me once but we never talked about it again. If he ever lays a hand on my niece like that...I don't know if I could live with myself. Im just getting to this point where I feel like I need help and I don't where to start. I feel like there's something wrong with me half the time. My family and friends don't know what I've been through and I feel like they wouldn't understand. I tried talking to my mother once be she shrugged it off like there was something wrong with me and I was lying. The only person who knows everything is my boyfriend and he doesn't get it. To this day I'm still hurting. He just says the past is the past leave it behind you. Where do you even start for getting help? Everything that happened to me was when I was a kid. I'm 21 now and don't know where to begin. Please if anyone has advice I would appreciate it, I'm desperate to find help and move forward!