3 days since he passed. I am breaking..

It's now a little over 3 days since he's been gone and I am feeling insanity. The panic attacks are horrible. I can't catch my breath. I would do ANYTHING for just one more hour with him. As soon as he passed it was brought to my attention that maybe we could harvest his sperm. We wanted kids together more than anything. I tried so hard to get this done but unfortunately it didn't happen. That is hitting me hard right now. I can't help but wish that somehow I could just be pregnant right now but I know that it just might not be Gods plan. I keep staring at the door thinking he will walk through. I want to call him or text him so bad. I know I have so many people who are here for me right now but the only person I want is him. I'm so scared of the future, who I will become. This man was my rock. I have to put the man of my dreams in the ground next week and I just don't think I can do it. I am SO scared. I'm almost 21. I should not be doing this at 21. I can't imagine waiting so long to see him again. I'm so so broken.