I’ve had a really hard time and honestly think it’s going to take a while to get over the whole thing.

My induction for 41+5 was cancelled. Anyho, my waters broke through the night and I’d been having moderate contractions for 2 days and nights at this point but they weren’t growing in intensity or regulating enough. I was in pain and exhausted though.

Went to hospital Saturday 9th at 10 o’clock in the morning. I was supposed to be induced at 1pm but delivery suite was “too busy” so I had to wait. My waters went again at 5pm and he had pooed inside of me so was able to start the drip sooner than I would of been at 7.10pm (still far too long to be waiting.) I was already 2cm at this point and had been for a week.

After the drip started contractions kicked off pretty quickly. I was due to be checked at 1.10AM. Check time came and I was still 2cm but cervix had completely thinned so at least I thought I can do nothing else other than dialate now. Next check will be 5.10AM.

5.10AM comes and I’m still 2cm. At this point I’m needing a section, we all know it. I’ve been on the drip for 10 hours and have made no progression. My waters have been broke probably 24 hours, and have been dirty for at least 12. The doctor comes in & says I need a section but it will be done in the morning when the day staff come in. And also to check me at 7.10 to double check that there’s no progress. I asked him to do the section now as I knew 2 more hours of labour wasn’t going to be beneficial but he refused and told me baby is happy inside of me for now.

At this point I think fuck this and get my epi. I had been upright labouring all night, bouncing on a ball and standing up through them moving my hips etc.

My epi was crap. It definitely dulled contractions but at times I felt like I still needed gas and air.

7.10 comes and still 2cm which I knew it would be. I dont know how long but shortly after this my midwife was shouting for me to turn over side to side and as I turned to my left I seen the babies heart rate on the screen was 50 something. The emergency buzzer had gone and I had staff rushing in stripping me naked, putting me in a gown, stockings on, the same doctor who turned me down for a section at my 5 o’clock check now needed to do an emergency c section just before his shift finished.

I was on the table within about 2-3 minutes of the emergency buzzer being called. In bits and exhausted. His heart rate was starting to pick back up so it wasn’t as much as a rush now.

The lazy doctor was telling the anaesthetist to just give me a general anaesthetic because my epidural was taking a while to kick in. I told her not to rush because his heart rate was ok now and I wanted to be awake for his birth and have my other half there.

She was trying to make sure my epidural was working but honestly I could still feel a bit more than I wanted to. I stupidly reassured them I couldn’t because i seriously didn’t want a general anaesthetic. I must of been drugged to they eye balls to be so stupid.

They made the incision and it was fine it didn’t hurt, I knew what was going on because I work in theatre anyway so was picturing it. Holy fuck. I felt every last thing they were doing after the incision. I was begging to go to sleep, my legs were coming off the table. It was disgusting. The pain was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.

My boy was born at 8.08am on 10th December at 42 weeks gestation.

I just remember thinking “thank god” as I was going to sleep. I woke up about 9 o’clock in recovery, trying to force my eyes open so bad to make sure he was ok and see him. I gave him a bottle and headed back to the ward where I just spent the day crying thinking I was gonna die and too weak to even hold him. I lost 1300mls of blood during surgery.

The recovery was tough & still is as both me and the baby had infections. No doubt because he was left inside of me far too long in distress. Both of us 5 days later are on IV antibiotics still & hoping we can go home tomorrow to finish recovering.

I feel a few bad decisions were made with our care that night, a chain of events I wouldn’t wish on any other woman. Every now and then I get flash backs and think to myself WHY did they think it was ok to just leave us for the day staff?

It’s done now and my gorgeous boy is here. Reign Alexander - he weighed 8lbs10 and a half. He got weighed today on day 5 and is now 9lbs1 and so greedy and gorgeous!