My DH parents were in town for 10 days for Thanksgiving. Then MIL told my mother she will come after baby is born to help. 10 days is a long time for anyone to stay in our 2 bedroom apartment. Not to mention the normal power struggles that ensue between MIL and DIL early in a marriage.

The fact she didn’t even ask what I want or if I want guests in my home with a newborn pisses me off.

I plan to breastfeed during my maternity leave. I don’t want to hide in my room every 2 hours to have privacy to learn how to breastfeed. I want baby to sleep in their crib and not have anyone but me attend to them at night. I don’t want someone to “assume” I need sleep and feed the baby formula to “help me out”. But if they come they won’t get a hotel and will expect to stay with us. I have a bed in the nursery room I plan to use if needed for late night feeds. I can’t use it if guests are in the bed.

This is stressing me out. DH thinks we shouldn’t worry about it until needed but I NEED a solution. When I try to talk to him he won’t listen. He makes excuses for behaviors that hurt my feelings and says that I just complain about his parents.

I like his parents but MIL is clingy, codependent, and passive aggressive. FIL constantly undermines me in my home and has no regard for what anyone else wants. DH agrees with these statements and partially uses them as excuses for his parents. I feel like he will always default to what they want, even if it bothers me deeply.

I just want my 6 week maternity leave to be me, baby and DH. I want to bond, learn, and nest without others interjecting. Babies are much more fun at 6 months. I would rather they come for baby’s first Christmas when I will have limited time off and the baby is more mobile.

*** Thanks ladies. Just to touch on a few responses. 1) I am a private person that grew up with just my immediate family. I don’t like having extra people around on a good day.

2) My mother lives close by and she isn’t the easiest to set boundaries with either. I don’t want to have to deal with both of them.

3) My husband isn’t afraid to stand up to his parents. He just doesn’t like dealing with things in the “what if” context wants to wait to say anything. Plus he wants me to tell them.

4) His parents have health issues. This contributes to my fears their help might not be helpful. Also, my husband’s philosophy is “but they might not be around much longer.”

5) the bed and dresser in the guest bedroom was my dad’s when he was a kid. We won’t get rid of them under any circumstances.

I will probably drop this for now and try again later. Their recent visit was not the best and is most likely affecting my willingness to meet them half way. I just wish she had bothered to ask me what I want, instead of assume I want help. Even if I need help, I would rather not have it from people other than my husband. He is pretty good helping out and should be able to handle what I can’t. We both work and we both can take FMLA. I just can’t afford time off without pay so I don’t think I can take more than 6 weeks.

Thank you to all the responses and hopefully things will go smoother the closer we get to the due date.