UPDATE 1/5/17: I'm sitting in the waiting room. about to do bloodwork. in 2-3 hours I'll have the results of my hcg levels. throughout the night I was able to prioritize my emotions. yes I was and still am heartbroken to lose my baby. but starting a family is too important to us to wait until we are "over this" truth is, we'll never be over it. the best thing I can do for my mental health is try to give this man the baby we've been wanting.

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my fiance and I have recently decided to start TTC. I got pregnant our first month. baby was 8 weeks and I carried until 11 weeks. I miscarried. its only been about 1 month of trying to heal. but I just took a pregnancy test because I've been feeling a little more "off" than usual. I expected a clear negative and thought it would be good for me to see. kind of strange but to see a clear end to what I've been through. to give me some kind of closure with this time line I guess...but it came out with a slightly more than faint positive. I know it's possible that it's my hormones from the first pregnancy still leaving. I googled and I found 2 weeks is the average amount of time after a miscarriage before hormones leave and pregnancy tests should be negative... I'm closer to 40 days...I do have a follow-up appointment tomorrow so I'm not seeking medical help.

so to get on with it...I guess my question isn't really a question. I'm having a flood of emotions still trying to deal with the loss of our first. and now fear of it happening again. but at the same time excitement because I want a baby. and then the fear of it just being a false negative. I guess I'm looking for some enouraging words. or advice. or maybe personal stories if you've gone through this. or what you did to handle all of this happening in such a short time?...

thank you. just trying to stay sane until I can make sense of it all.