My d&c; procedure was pushed bc I had just stopped baby aspirin 3 days earlier and the doctor was overly concerned about clotting issues. Not so concerned that they would actually ask these questions b4 surgery day of course though! 3 hours into my “abortion” prescreening they ask me about medications and tell me to go home and come back in 4 days. By then I may need a 2 day D&E; as I will be 12w+5.

So many emotions, none of them good. When I miscarried last year I had a d&c; in my local hospital as not all tissue had passed. That memory is traumatic, but the experience of the same procedure as a “therapeutic abortion” due to anencephaly is absolutely unbearable. I had to go to an abortion clinic and sign paper after paper about the decision to “terminate” and my husband was not allowed to sit with me for any of it. I know this is probably to protect women from being pressured to make a decision but I could have used some support.

And then to be sent home after 3 hours and putting on a gown and cap and walking into the surgery room to be told to come back in 4 days!!! Ohh, this was also after they said my insurance was denied...dagger after dagger into my fragile heart. So now I may have to pay extra for any tests that need to be repeated too.

In 36 more hours my baby will be gone. I can’t believe I’m going to be an abortion statistic. Only 2-3% of abortions are due to genetic abnormalities apparently...I can’t stop googling every awful detail about anencephaly and abortion.

I feel guilty for saying it, but I can’t wait to stop feeling pregnant. The aches and pains that used to fill me with excitement and anticipation for my baby now just swallow me whole into a pit of despair. I really hope grief counseling will help with the darkness around me.

UPDATE

It’s over...I feel such mixed emotions. Relief that it’s over and grief that I’ll never hear the heartbeat again or meet my baby. Pretty sure over 50 abortions were performed at the clinic I was at today which is mind blowing.

Statistically only 1-2 other women were there terminating “wanted” pregnancies with abnormalities. The rest had their reasons and while I can’t imagine letting go of a healthy baby after losing 3 of mine to a mix of miscarriage and anencephaly, I’m glad they had the right to choose for themselves.