baby fever

I'm on birth control for a reason. I know I don't need a child in my life right now. I'm about to turn 20, living with my grandma, in college, and not in a stable relationship. Man oh man the baby fever is rough though. My friends have a little girl who I see ALL the time because I'm always hanging out with them. She is almost 3. She absolutely loves me, and the other night she tripped and hit her head on the door. Her mom was at work. Her dad was standing next to her when she did it. They were in his bedroom. I was sitting on the couch with their roommate (one of my best friends also) and she literally ran crying all the way from their room to me. She crawled up into my lap screaming and crying and I just rubbed her back and tried to get her to calm down. Talked to her and got her calm. She then just cuddled up with me to watch a movie. She's so sweet and kind. She's also such a goofy kid and I just love her. She makes my baby fever so much worse because I know I couldn't possibly support a child right now, but those sweet little eyes make my heart pound. I want someone who looks at me the way she looks at her mom. I want to raise a tiny human to be as kind and caring and funny as that little girl is. I want to have my own little one. Ughh. Still a few years off. Want to actually find someone to marry me, be out of college, and be settled into my own home first. The baby fever is so hard to fight, but I just keep taking those pills knowing my time will come.