Hi everyone! I wanted to share my story in the hopes of helping any other woman going through their own personal hell.

I was 28 years old and pregnant with my first baby. My husband and I were on cloud 9. We both were healthy and financially stable and had been TTC for about 7 months. At 12 weeks we announced our pregnancy to friends and family who were overjoyed. First grandchild on both sides! AND my best friend was also pregnant! Life was so good. Ultrasounds and blood tests were showing a healthy baby.

I invited my mom to go with me and my husband to our 20 week anatomy scan. We had planned a gender reveal party for the next day. On the way, friends were texting me their gender guesses. My mom was smiling ear to ear.

Everything was great at the beginning of the scan. The tech was printing photos and talking us through it. I was sooo happy to see baby moving around on the screen. Suddenly, the tech was quiet. She was zooming in on different areas. She said she needed concentration. She became nervous, tripped on the wires at one point and apologized profusely. She made me switch positions 100 times. She had me cough. She told me she needed to switch to a transvaginal ultrasound to get better images. Finally, she said she would get the doctor and to please wait.

I started crying immediately. I couldn't even look at my husband who was shaking. My mom had turned pale. It was a long 45 minute wait. The tech knocked on the door and said the doctor would see us in her office.

There, she explained that my baby had a severe open neural tube defect. The spine had not fused and there was a very large opening. In addition the baby was missing important connections and structures in the brain. There were two club feet. The doctor said that my baby would need surgery within 24 hours of being born. It was unlikely the baby would survive the first few months of life. If the baby survived, there would be paralysis of the lower body and incontinence of bowel and bladder. The brain issues would cause speech/ language issues/ inability to swallow/ seizures/vegetative state.

My world went black. I can remember my husband's hand so cold in mine trembling. I finally looked him in the eyes and they were red and teary. "I'm so sorry Maria I'm so sorry." He said it again and again. I'm so sorry I said it back crying. My mom held my other hand and practically supported me to the car when we were done because my legs were shaking. My mom is pure strength. She called and cancelled my gender reveal party.

We met with more specialists that week who confirmed .I couldn't remember a thing. My husband did all the phone calls. He carried a notebook so we could remember who said what. We now call that the notebook of nightmares.

In the end, we made the joint decision to end the pregnancy. It was the hardest decision of my life. I grieve everyday for the loss of my baby boy but time does help heal. To any women going through this, you are not alone. You are stronger than you could ever know. You will laugh again and although you will forever be changed, you will march on.