PSA: this is pretty long, but I really need help

A little backstory- my husband and I are stationed in Italy and when we found out we were pregnant, my mil wanted to come out and stay with us when the baby was born. I talked to my husband about it and just told him that I would prefer to have all of our parents wait at least a few weeks after the baby was born to come out and see us, just because I wanted us to be able to figure everything out without feeling like I needed to cater to guests or hear advise on what I should be doing with baby when Im trying to learn myself. My mil can also be very judgmental so I didn't want to worry about having to clean house and fix meals after I just popped a baby out. When my husband told his mom she freaked out and started saying nasty things about me and how I didn't care if she saw her grandbaby or not and my husband said "who gives a fuck? You'll obviously see the baby" they haven't spoken in about a month and I've tried to get my husband to reach out to her and tell her what the gender is multiple times but he always told me he wasn't going to talk to her till she apologized for the way she talked about me. My mil sent my husband this text message today: Just so you know I’m not mad at you because Summer decided she does not want me out there when she has baby and you, now, agree with her. Honestly I wasn’t trying to push my way into the delivery room to watch her push out a baby - I don’t even care to see that. I just wanted to be there for YOU and Summer and help out however I could. I know that if Summers dad could make it out he would and Summer would NOT tell him no don’t come out we just want it to be me n Michael. You and Summer were holding Mya days after she was born and WHY - because you’re family and no one told you NO you’re not welcome we don’t want anyone here for the first few weeks. Funny thing is that this baby is not all about you and summer - a baby is about family or do you two plan on doing life without family? It’s hurtful that I’m now the last to know anything and everything about my grand baby and you’re so stubborn you won’t even talk to me, no calls no texts. I would have been respectful of giving you three your space. And this is the same girl that wanted me to be her maid of honor haha!!!

And the reason I give a fuck is because I have been the one that’s always been there for you and now, because, Summer thinks you and I have a “weird” relationship, (which I find laughable since she has the same kind of weird relationship with her daddy) Funny thing is that if she’s ok with you and I not talking, and not having a relationship, what is she showing her own child - that it’s ok to not talk to your mom.

I’m a great mom to you and love you more than anyone ever could. You can’t replace a son or a mom. I am upset with you because of the disrespectful words when you last texted me. And you have in the past talked to me like that and you continue to think that’s ok to treat your mother in that way. You’re not gonna ‘get it’ until you experience life with a child yourself and realize how challenging it can be. Wow is this ever fucked up! Who woulda ever thought that my son would be having a baby and we aren’t even talking - I am crushed, heart broken and soooooo sad..... and all because I wanted to share in a part of my sons life, but why would I think I couldn’t?? When it’s never been like that! Just because you’re in Italy doesn’t mean that it’s ok to not have a relationship with me. Don’t you want your baby to have a relationship with their grandma - I’m the BEST grandma that baby could ever have!!!! And you know that....

I’m sure you know by now whether the baby is a boy or girl..... and I bet everyone one knows but me😥my heart hurts

I'm just at a loss for what to do at this point. I've tried killing her with kindness and I don't see what else I can do. This isn't the first time she made snide remarks and comments about me, either. This is just it coming to a head. I REALLY could use some advise