The person who saved my life

Real talk. I’m sixteen years old, and this is the man I want to marry.

His name is Boaz. He is seventeen, has moved out of his home, and is paying his own rent, and living an adult life, while still making good grades, and finding as much time as he can for me. So, yes-he is a man, and no one can convince me otherwise.

The two of us have known each other since we were young, but neither thought the other person would’ve been interested. So it was kind of like that awkward relationship where you see someone all the time, want so badly to talk to them, but you just kind of try to pretend they have no affect on your life and they don’t exist (if that makes sense).

Flash back to summer of 2012. This was the year I was repeatedly sexually harassed by an old “friend” that I trusted, and had no idea what the things he was doing to me meant. I didn’t understand why I felt so wrong and scared while he was doing them to me, and I couldn’t do anything else but just sit there shocked and confused. For 3 years of my life, I hated myself. I hated my body. I hated my laugh. I hated my smile. I hated my dreams. I hated every word that came out of my mouth because it was almost always embarrassing. I hated life. The only thing holding me above drowning in my own nightmares and panic attacks at the point, was music.

Until one amazing summer of 2016, the person that would save me from all this came into my life. His family needed a place to stay so that he could get therapy for a few months, because long story short: he had big problems of his own, which caused self inflicted harm, and he needed the therapy. He was lost. He hated himself, his family, his life. (Lucky for them, we have a second house) Little did I know that I would be the one to pull him out of his depressing past, and vice versa. In one week, he was my best friend. In one week, I realized that something about him was different. In one week, I knew that because of him my life was gonna change. And I tell you, if I had not met this boy, I don’t think I would be here today. He is the only man I have ever felt zero anxiety around (except for my dad and brother), and the person who taught me that there’s nothing wrong with me. That I’m perfect the way I am. And it’s NOT my fault. He taught me that happiness is a choice, and proved to me that it is possible for men to truly love. For a man to treat a woman like a human being. He’s the reason I don’t think I’m a worthless piece of garbage anymore. Because of him, I make more and more progress in my daily journey to mental health. He taught me how to love again. He taught me the meaning of it. And I consider myself to have my own personal angel, placed here just for me cause God knew I needed one, and he knew exactly WHEN I needed one.

My point here: to any girl who may feel worthless, alone, scared, judged, or crazy, due to rape. You are NOT alone, and it is 100% NORMAL, to be feeling this way. Just DON’T give up! You never know who may come around the corner and completely change your life. There ARE good men out there, and the creep who did that to you, does NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS. The PTSD and the anxieties of daily life will one day expire completely, but until then, stand up straight and tall, and be patient, because you CAN and WILL get through it. It’s hard as hell, but day by day, the nightmares will lessen. The panic attacks will calm. The depression will turn into motivation. And never forget that the symptoms you experience DON’T MAKE YOU WEAK!! They make you a fighter!! And a strong one at that!!