I'm beyond upset

...everything's been about him and what not, I'm over here struggling from paycheck to paycheck, he act like he couldn't spot me $20 until I got paid again for gas... I'm beyond stress, but I don't show it, I'm tired of him flipping the script on him, talking about I have nasty deposition and nasty attitude... I'm nasty, but you can't even do a simple thing to help me, I just got this nicca a $1300 loan to help him grt back in good standing with his bank and he couldn't spot me a damn $20... he's been flipping out on me, but I've basically shut down because I'm trying to find a way out of this bs!!! He's thrown and complained about somuch about what I don't do, but at the same time say you appreciate what I do, WTF!!! I give up, I'm trying not to stress because my health is borderline, but I haven't tol him, it's meaningless... he throws it in my face because he's worried he'll lose another kidney, but I'm worried because I'll lose my life before his kidney... I have severe anemia, along with other medical conditions, he throws it in my face 24/7 about this kidney, but I'm over it, I'm sorry, I can't deal with it anymore... my bp was 120/111 which was really high, they wanted to put me in the hospital, that's when I felt it was over, I'm done... his stressing is not making it any better, I can't even be happy in this relationship, he's 48, I'm 28... he constantly says I'll never find anyone better than him, how and why would you tell someome something like that... going on 5 years and the last 3 years have been miserable, especailly since it's ling distance (3 to 5hrs, I drive most of the time) I'm trying to get from underneath him... he constantly says he doesn't do harm to anyone, so what I'm feeling is irrelevant and doesn't mean anything, maybe it's ny fault, I don't feel like I'm enough, for every little thing he points out about me, that doesn't even sound like me... so since I feel like I'm the problem maybe I'll vanish, I can't anymore, it's too much