I get embarrass for myself....

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So I start to masterbate when I was like 6,7,8 years old (I don't remember). I still do til this day and I am now 13. Anyways when I masterbate I watch porn to help my blood goin'. After I'm done masterbating, I get embarrassed for myself. Im like "your gross, why do you do this!?", "______ wouldn't masterbate, your disgusting!". Is that normal? I just don't know🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. Help?