I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we’ve been living together for a year in that time.

In the beginning of our relationship, right around the time we moved in together, he talked about marriage often. Things like, “our marriage would be amazing” or “I can’t wait to be married to you” etc etc. but said that he didn’t want to be married or even engaged until he quit smoking/vaping and when he was more financially secured which I get. Well a few months living together went by and the marriage talk started to slow and if I brought it up, he would seem nervous or he would give acknowledgement to what I said but that was it and he would change the subject. In those few months, he would quit vaping for a few weeks then he would start again. The cycle continued for a while.

Fast forward to August 2017 when we moved to a brand new city. We started leasing an apartment together in the middle of November, we share most bills, we’re essentially married without the actual license. The marriage talk stops completely and he still acknowledges what I say but he drops it afterward. And by acknowledging it I mean he nods or says, “yeah that would be great.” Now, I was under the impression that the vaping had stopped completely, up until December when he told me he had continued to do it since the beginning of October. He was omitting a lie and I called him out on it but told him I would help and support him to help him stop and stay off of nicotine. He’s been purchasing more and more of the vape inserts and wasting money that we could use for groceries or other things that we both need. He makes more money than I do so his income is what mostly helps us.

Now on 01/22, he pulled out his last insert and I commented on it saying that it’s his last one and maybe he should slow down a bit, and he just nodded and said “yeah I know...” but that was it. Later on I asked him, “Do you still want to be finished with those before we get married?” And he told me, enthusiastically I might add, “yes absolutely! I need it gone before that happens.”

I’m scared that because of his past behavior about this that he won’t ever quit completely and that he doesn’t want to get married anymore and he’s using it as an excuse to not get married. I’ve told him before that I would really like to be married before we have children and he agreed but he also wants kids soon-ish (he’s 6 years older than me and will be 28 this year and he wants kids before he’s 30.) I don’t know if it’s normal to be upset over this or if I’m overreacting and need to give him his space on it. Would you be concerned like I am? I love him so so so much and would love to call him my husband one day but I don’t know if he wants to call me his wife one day anymore.