Mother in law is making me feel suicidal.

PC

Long story short.. but still long-

I didnt grow up in the best situation. While my husband grew up with loving parents and family vacations, I was basically neglected.. and then at 13 my mother began sex trafficking me to her new husband. I’ve never had a parent tell me that they love me, I’ve never had any sort of close bond with any of my family other than my alcoholic grandparents, but they are gone.

I’ve been through a lot of abuse thanks to my narcissistic mother.. and it’s left me with some pretty high walls. I’ve done therapy and I feel like I have improved astronomically. (I no longer self harm, I don’t dissociate anymore, and I can handle crowds)

My mother in law.. every time she wants me to open up about myself and I hesitantly start to, she hates what she hears and uses it against me to my husband.

“I’m not good enough, I’m tainted, I don’t know how to be a family.”

These are literal things she has said about me to my husband.

Now she’s started a new one.. “I’m manipulating my husband” oh and his grandmother (because she likes me)

This new bit started the other day because she texted my husband asking how everyone was- he didn’t reply.. so she texted me. I didn’t get the text because my phone was in my husbands pocket.. which made him feel the vibration and he checked his and answered. I didn’t answer when I got my phone back because it had already been answered.. why do you need the same response twice, right?

Apparently me not replying to her text is because I’m manipulating my husband into pulling away from her.

When he has said BLUNTLY that she’s the wedge driving him away because of how she treats me. But she doesn’t care, cause clearly it’s all my fault her 25 year old son moved out and started a family.

His grandmother drove me to a doctors appointment because we only have one car and my husband is sick so he had to go to his doctors appointment.. she sat in the waiting room with my 16 month old who waved at everyone saying heyyyy.. she made the mistake of mentioning how great my daughter was doing on greeting people while they were all out as a family for my sister in laws birthday the other night.. and apparently my MIL blew up on her in front of everyone for taking me anywhere and yelled that I’m manipulating her as well. (My MIL had to drive me to my appointments my last pregnancy, but insisted upon doing so.. but NOW it’s an issue?)

My mother is a narcissist, like I mentioned previously.. she did this same shit to me when I tried telling family what she put me through.. she successfully turned them all against me, calling me a liar and that I’m making every thing up.. which obviously made me suicidal.. everyone I knew growing up wont talk to me because she manipulated them against me to cover her ass..

and now it’s happening again but this time I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING. Its like suddenly I’m a target and she’s trying to turn everyone against me..

What hurts most is that she told my husband the other day that I don’t know how to be a family.. (well of course I don’t!) and that while he waits for me to figure it out (take my sweet ass time) it’s going to hurt him and our kids.. what??

My toddler is supposed to go visit today and I quite frankly don’t want her to go over there... but I don’t have much choice. I want her to have a relationship with my FIL and sibling inlaws.. because they are all great people who love her.. I can’t stand this stupid situation and I have no idea what the hell to do anymore..