I feel like I am annoying and that deep down my friends don’t want me to be happy or that my friends don’t care about me. I’m scared to open up completely to any of my friends because of the first “friend” I ever had in kindergarten (let’s call her Megan).

Megan was awful and talked behind my back and did all these terrible things that I used to think friends were supposed to do to each other. It took me until the 6th grade (I am now in 10th) to realize that her ways were wrong. Megan went to a different school and we don’t talk anymore but I feel like some of her mean ways have stuck with me (Ex: I became a very untrustworthy person just like Megan). I’ve been working on being more trustworthy and I am doing pretty good but some of my old friends don’t confide in me anymore because you know that once you lose someone’s trust, it’s hard to get it back.

My friends have done nothing to prove that they are untrustworthy but I feel like I can’t open up because I’m afraid that they are going to be like Megan or me. I always think that they aren’t my real friends and that they’re plotting something against me and I cant stop these thoughts. I want to be able to trust them but I feel like I’ll never be able to and its not really fair to them. How can I stop these thoughts? What should I do?