My father left me and my mom when I was two, I'm not going to get onto too much detail over why they split but it's the "classic" reason..or at least in my life. He cheated, just like most of the other males I know. Anyway.. over the years of growing up I've chosen a group of guys to be my father figures slowly my chosen are being kicked. My grandfather was my main father figure my whole life. Over the past year I've come to learn he was an alcoholic and he has recently switched from boos to blunts.. I'm really sad about it. We used to go on bike rides every night, in the summer, and he was always drunk. I was too young to tell but looking back it explains why my grandmother always told me to keep an eye on him, I felt like a baby sitter. We'd bike on the road sometimes and I was always in back that way I could tell him if a car was coming.. we always went to hand out with his friends when we'd go.. my favourite smell is weed for this reason. I always smelt it around me. My grandmother was into weed too, but that's for another rant. Anyway so recently he's been demoted to grandfather instead of main father figure. Then there's Dean he claims to be my father, but everyone knows he isn't. He's always been there for me but as I grow up I become less blind to his behaviour. He is the definition of a douche! He owns a company and he screws every receptionist he hires. Also he's EXTREMELY racist, which isn't great around my coloured lil sis. He's an alcoholic too, but he's worse about it then my grandfather because he refuses to admit it and he's NOT a happy drunk. He's rude to customers. And I pray god helps you if you're not white and catholic! Holy shit, this man is RACIST!! Then there's Norm, who's been outta the picture sense I spoke up. He was our baby sitter. We were with him most of the week, as my mom was in the hospital, we spent some nights there too. I always woke up to my lil sis curled up in his arms, almost in an uncomfortable way. And he INSISTED on "helping" us shower! I was old enough to do my own thing and I would gladly help my sis. But he insisted. And GOD FORBID showers! Nooooo sir eeee. Only tubs! Ugh! I feel weird just thinking about the man. Then there's my last man, one of the stronger few I chose from a young age. We call him B. He's my "uncle." He's probably not the best influence giving as he's a jail bird but he is the only one that never lied about it. He was ALWAYS straight up with me about what he was doing and where he was going. I trust him with my life, with my sisters life. He's not blood, but he's family. Idk, I guess I'm just worried he'll stop being the man I love (NOT IN A WEIRD WAY!). I don't seem to have the best taste in men.. none of the women in my family ever really have 😔. I guess if I'm being honest I'm just worried about my bf cheating or lying..I'd survive if he left, I've survived worse, but if he lied..it'd kill me. I know I'm over reacting but my life seems to follow a pattern and the stats aren't point at what I wish they were.. how do I know he won't do something stupid? How do I know B won't fuck things up?? I'm so worried. It's important for every girl to have a GOOD father figure, whatever that means to them. I trust them both, B more then my bf but we won't tell him that. I just don't wanna be wrong about my choice.. please help comfort me if you have any idea as to how.? Cuz my mind is going to kill me over this. Right down to my best guy friends growing up, I never really got along with the other girls, they're back stabbers. I'm so worried. It's like every guy I get close to stabs me in the back.. I'm SO sick of being stabbed!!! 😭😭

It hurts to think!!!!