*TRIGGER WARNING* Raped? Taken advantage of? Advice pls

About a month ago, i was at a party and got pretty drunk. I was to the point where i could remember specific details but not general things. I was with this guy who had recently told me he wanted to take my virginity and was really inducing me having sex with him. He was also a virgin. When before the party, i was very strict with him telling him that i did not want to do what he was saying. I am 15 and not ready to do it especially sith someone i am not involved with. He even once mentioned that it would be fine, we were both drunk and we both wouldnt remember it the morning. I was also on some other things than alcohol. We had planned on just doing other things than sex as we had previously done so it was just good and pleasuring for both of us.

Not to mention, I had some feelings for this guy. But i knew he just wanted to use me and somehow i was kind of ok with that. Meanwhile at the party, i got there a good bit before him and starting doing things and was pretty shit faced. It was just our friends there so i was ok with drinking around them because i trust them and know they would help me in any bad situation.

We made out and did some other things in a bathroom and he tried to put it on me but i obviously refused. He also took off all my clothes when i kept saying not to. He tried to have sex with me but i was repetitively saying no to him. He ended up leaving me naked in the bathroom and did not even care. This bathroom situation happened a few other times. Later, he took me outside and got me naked again and just starting having sex with me without a condom and i kept just saying it hurt me. I do not remember if i said it was ok, but i do not think i said it was ok and i dont think hr even asked me just went straight to it. Later, he left me and i went to the bathroom and my cherry had popped and i was just a mess.

He still refuses to tell and admit to me that it happened. This was such a traumatic situation and i think about it all the time. He also refused to tell me if he busted so i had to take plan B. (I have got my period since:) )

I know it was my responsibility to drink and i shouldnt of got to that point, but i really trusted that he wouldnt do that to me. He was also drinking some beer but nothing else and everyone says he was not drunk. I just need advice because this situation has torn me apart and made me feel nauseated. I really need advice because it has made me feel terrible. He has been terribly rude to me multiple times after and made me feel awful and still wont admit to it happening.

I am 99% sure it happened and remember such exact details that it couldnt be false, also i bled for 3 days after (not period). I NEED ADVICE!’ This is making me crazy. I have blocked him since because i dont need his bullshit In my life but cant help myself thinking about him. I fucked up so bad:( please tell me opinions. Also, some people have told me it is rape but i am unsure but would never press charges against him and he thinks i am going to and telling his friends that (we have some mutual friends who have told me this). I do not think that he would be worried if it didnt happen. Please give me advice because i am such a mess.