Why is shit so fucked up

My life ain’t going to swell right now. I’m losing hope in everyone that I do trust. Cant go to my mom she doesn’t appreciate me or acknowledge me. She only does that when she wants a favor. I’m 16 locked in this house can’t do shit. Strips of happiness are taken away from me day by day. My birthday is next month. My life ain’t supposed to be like this right now. I’m supposed to be looking for a job, finding someone who makes me feel special but I can’t. Some days I’m extremely happy or I’m just okay. Then boom something always goes to fuck it up. Of course I’m never the one doing anything but I’m always the one to blame. no one should ever be this unhappy in life this is just sad. I had depression last year it was so bad that I would pick up a knife at random times of the day and put it on my wrist then slide it down. It never cut me but it was sad that I didn’t care about life anymore. I don’t want to end up back on that path. I’m trying so hard to keep faith. My motto is take it day by day. Why does everything bad have to happen to me and I’m real life trying.