Long post.

wake up and I just don’t think about eating, lunch comes around, I feel bad for eating so I’ll have something small. Have a small dinner with family. I’m eating 800 or less calories a day. I hate it, when it comes to night I just feel hopeless because I feel bad for letting it take power over me but when I do eat normally I feel guilty for not being motivated enough. I hate this. I am with someone and he basically says he’s here for me but we aren’t dating till I’m on the straight and narrow because I basically planned my own suicide, I agree we should wait and he should distance himself because I don’t think it’s fair on him or me. Every time I look at photos of myself before I started recovering and I can’t help but think about how happy and thin I was in photos. I know I was unhealthy and that it’s an awful thing to think but is just guilt I’ve put on weight in recovery and I just hate my body most days. I’ve been referred for counselling and I just hate it because it feels like I will never be okay.

Had anyone else felt like this?