Sex after baby

Today I have my postpartum check. I’m 5 1/2 weeks pp after a 2 day induction due to cholestasis and prepping eclampsia and a delivery which resulted in multiple tears and a whole lot of stitches.

I know today I will find out if I’m cleared for all normal activities, including being able to have sex again. My husband also knows I might get the okay today and has been patiently but eagerly waiting for it.

The reason why I’m posting is because the closer I get to this appointment, the more nervous I get. Not only do I have ZERO desire to have sex, but the thought of it actually terrifies me. I’m not having any pain or bleeding anymore but I remember every aspect of delivery far too much to want to even think about someone doing things down there. I’m not sure if my husband understands that I’m actually a bit scared rather than just not in the mood. I know he won’t be angry and he would never make me do something if I said I wasn’t comfortable with is, but I also feel really guilty because I know he’s always been a little sensitive to rejection, thinking it’s something he’s done or doing that makes me not want it.

My question is, does or did anyone else have this fear and total lack of drive? Any positive experiences with the first round?

Thanks in advance ladies!