Where do I begin?

I'm hurting. I don't know any other ways to put it other than that. I am not where I want to be in life, and granted I'm only 20 but still. I thought by now I would be preparing to graduate, instead I'm basically starting over. I met a mean who takes care of me but I hurt him deeply and he keeps throwing in my face. I'm not sure what to do. I'm working hard at dealing with it because it was my fault. He's not innocent in this either, I just handle things differently than him. I deal with my hurt silently and detrimental to me unfortunately.

I'm also working on really accepting and getting over the things an old flame did. I know I'll always love him even though he hurt me and played me. I know I should've dealt with this before going into something else and hurting this new person but I really thought I was over him. I still love his family though and that's rough as well.

I'm not trying to be the victim or be the one looked at as "oh poor you" but I'm hurting and I'm reaching out for help. Self-harm is definitely not the answer, yet I've found myself doing it. Nobody sees the pain I deal with and the few tines I've cried its just been like get over it. I'm stuck at a cross roads at this age between victimization and greatness. I know what I'm capable of. I just don't know how to get out of this rut.