there is sensitive information in this,,,,,also its super long,, this is about how i ended a friendship. i was friends with this girl for so many years and honestly if i think about it i mainly just clung to her because she was all i had,,,, she was never a good friend to me and for so long i have been meaning to end our friendship,, even when we were the closest we ever were. i once told her that i wanted to lose weight and she responded with "noooo" and i knew why she said that so i asked "is it because you don't want me to look pretty,, like you want to be the pretty friend" and she didnt deny it she literally said yes with a smile trying to act cutesy and innocent anyway i think about it often and i think she might have caused so many issues i have especially trust. recently i was super down and she said to me that she wanted me to cheer up bc she didn't want me to go through what she was going through (which was what? hanging out with someone every day and saying she didnt have time for me?) like literally the day before i tried to try to kill myself and ive tried before also irrelevant but my sister put a knife into my hand and screamed at me telling me to kill myself bc she said stuff ab how she was suicidal and i wasnt and i was crying so much and i tried and i couldnt do it anywayyyyyy ab my friend we were never really connected i could tell she changed when we were first high schoolers,, freshmen,, i have so many great memories with her but she really doenst care about me at all i feel like its my fault because of my personality i never talk much and i dont let anyone get to know me amd i have this wall that i keep up and sometimes you can see a hole in the wall but i never let her in anyway she removed herself from a group chat and i decided to unfollow her and remove her from my followers also the reason she leaft the gc was bc she can do whatever she wants when it comes to being a bad friend but if someone doesn't think ab buying her a rose its a big deal and so when i found out that she left the group chat i just decided that was it and im ready to be done with feeling horrible about how i can't be a better firend and about how she isnt a good friend either so i unfollowed her and removed her from my followers and thats all it took and i feel i just feel sad because i feel like she never really cared about me and she never got as attached to me as i did to her like i still care about her and love her bht shes not a good friend and i feel a lot better not being her friend and maybe one day we can talk but not really shes gone. we only lasted to 10th grade.