I can’t continue anymore 💔😭

I found out Friday I was expecting.

Boy wasn’t I excited and scared. I’ve had 3 miscarriages before this pregnancy and was worried....

So I went to the local hospital with an OB on staff to check my hCG levels. Which I was told was at a 9. But that I was indeed pregnant!

My SO couldn’t wait he had to tell his family. And our coworkers. Well this morning I woke up to an warm feeling between my legs

I go to the bathroom and yea it’s blood. I just kept wiping hoping it would go away. I woke my SO up crying telling him I’m bleeding. He grabs me and holds me while I cry.

We goto the ER and I already knew. I’ve already started cramping. I knew. They ran blood work and checked my cervixs. The usual things they do. And they came back and said my hCG level was at 0 (zero) that I lost yet another baby.

I don’t understand what is wrong with my body. Why won’t it carry another baby?????? Why??????????? I am hurt.... I just want to goto the store grab a 5th if jack and drink the whole bottle. Or anything that will take this pain away. Idk how some women do this. It’s the hardest thing ever.

I can’t do this again. I can’t continue to get my hopes up every time I see 2 pink lines and then BAM it’s taken away from me.... I can’t do this anymore. I am a mom to 4 angels. I can’t continue this heartache anymore. I can’t continue....