So today has be a stress full day I’m 17 years old and I live with my parents well today in the morning me my brother and my mom went to the hospital cause it was my moms last day of radiation’s (one of the few awesome thing about today) well after that we went to eat and my day was fine till my brother asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him.

I was perfectly alright with going with him I’ve been wanting to go to the gym for a long time now cause I know I have self esteem issues because of the fact that I’m very over weight (just Incase you think I’m lying here’s my fat ass literally lmao )

so I told him yes but only if I can find pants which might sound weird but because of my over Weightness it’s very hard to find clothing that fits and also last long so at the moment right now I have a total of 3 pants two of which are almost completely unusable and on top of that my mother who has a closet full of cloths likes to use my pants for what reason idk well i yea I ended up not finding Andy pants and calling my mom telling her that I need to buy pant as soon and possible and of course I get the same answer I always get “first of all we don’t have money and second of all you shouldn’t buy cloths until you lose weight” that in it self frustrates me because I can’t lose weight if I don’t have the clothing to work out in you know so what the heck and also if you know I have limited clothing why use my clothing especially since you have your own.

Regardless my brother found something of his that fit me so I ended up going which was fine I watched Netflix and ran for an hour and then I called him to remind him that I couldn’t stay too long cause I had an interview which then got him mad because He wanted tot stay

Well we got him I didn’t the interview of the phone and it went great (the 2nd only good thing)

After the interview I ate something small and got ready to go to barns and nobles cause me and my friend were gona finish some last minute college stuff we were supposed to meet up at 5 but my brother who was supposed to give me a ride took his sweet time instead of getting ready when I asked he said he had to do an important email first and as I watched him do the important email I noticed that he was on his phone texting is girlfriend instead and I rushed him because I was already running late and he wasn’t even dressed yet which was dumb and mean and then he started yelling at me making me feel bad for no reason when it was his fault that we were late we ended up making my friend wait an hour and by the time he dropped me off she had to leave which sucked and then an hour later when my parents pick me up there mad because my brother told them that I was being an ass when really he was being the ass and I try to explain that to my parents and instead my mom starts saying idk how you can be so mean and mad all the time your too young maybe I should get you a psychiatrist or something and I cry when I get frustrated when I can’t do anything so I start crying because that comment alone made me very angry and I couldn’t tell her that I wish I had someone to talk to about my feeling I wish maybe I’d hate myself less or maybe I’d finally feel happy but instead I cried and then I told her yea maybe you should and I kept repeating cause she kept trying to insult me and when we got home all i hear from upstairs is “ she never likes anyone she never gets along with anyone she’s the problem”

And idk I ranted a lot sorry lots of grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes but idk I needed to rant it made me sad cause I am the problem and I’ve been the problem all my life and lately it’s sucked a lot more I don’t feel pretty I hate my body I’m too stupid to get into any college but Miami dade and for the most part I have no friends and it’s just I’m so tired of people and emotions ugh