After three miscarriages in less than a year, my heart has been jaded. I see friends and family building a family around me... I’m happy for them but I can’t help but envy them. When my mother found out about my miscarriages she responded “What’s wrong with you?”... at church I broke down when the old lady next to me found out why I cried so much she said my miscarriages happed because I lived in Sin. Haven’t gone back.

I have boxes of sealed baby clothes, diapers, and all sorts of supplies.

Next period we will be trying Clomid for the first time. My period is late, but all my pregnancy test say Negative and I can’t start Clomid until my period starts.

I go to the store and see all these beautiful baby clothes, blankets, and toys but I can’t bear to buy them for fear of them never being used.

Today I saw a ceramic piggy bank, and thought that’s what I will do. So I plan of putting money every paycheck for the hope that someday I can use that for my rainbow baby.