so the last few months have been rough for me and my man. I had cheated on him and he was very deeply hurt. I let him take whatever time he needed to "feel better" and he came around and decided he wants to still be with me. don't get me wrong I am grateful bc I didn't realize what I had until I lost it. but it's 2:18am. I'm laying in bed awake while he's next to me sleeping, and I'm crying bc I really cannot forgive myself for what I did. I don't understand how he could look at me and say "you're the love of my life" every morning and every night and not hate me. I hate myself.

update: yes I understand what I did was fucked up. clearly I do. but I can't talk to him about how I'm feeling now. he'll keep telling me "it's fine" & "we'll get through this". he's so understanding and forgiving. i don't deserve him and he definitely deserves better. lots better. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to feel better within myself