I’d like to share my story, both in search of those who are going through the same thing that I’m going through and for some support as I am having a really hard time with this...

I am a mother of a 10 year old boy and am married to my best friend. We found out we were pregnant in January which was unexpected, I have PCOS and I had been on consistent birth control for 10 years so we thought it would take us longer to conceive.

We just moved to California and are living with my parents, we are in the process of saving up money to move out on our own while we pay to live in their in law unit.

When I told them I was pregnant, I met extreme backlash. Instead of them congratulating me, they told me I couldn’t continue to live here with my family if I had a baby. They told me they were “too old to have a baby in the house.”

I tried building on their property and I failed. The county would not approve us to buy a modular home. We currently owe the IRS tax balances for last year since we unexpectedly did not get a return (downfall to getting married in October of any given year and now having to file as married) and therefore, we do not have savings for a deposit on a house or an apartment or to pay the pet deposit required to bring our animals along. When I was given an ultimatum which ultimately could mean my kids, both my 10 year old and our newborn, would be out on the street (yes, they were willing to let that happen), we made the hardest decision that we’ve ever had make and that was to terminate at 8 weeks and 1 day.

I have severe heartbreak and anger in response to this entire situation. My husband and I both work, all we needed was a little bit of time to work up a little bit of savings and get on our feet after the baby was born...we were not granted this time. Instead, they expected me to either terminate or give our baby up for adoption...something I cannot fathom a parent ever asking of their child, especially when they had no legitimate reason to be forcing me to do this. Just that they were “too old” to have a new family member in the house. Mind you, as I said, we live in an in law unit, separate from them. I will never understand what they felt would be so difficult when they live in an entirely different part of the house.

On 2/24/18, I said the hardest hello and the hardest goodbye that I have ever had to say to my precious, perfect miracle. It had ten perfect fingers, two perfect eyes, and a perfect little nose. This image will haunt me for time and all eternity. This baby was SO WANTED and conceived on purpose.

I feel so betrayed by my parents. My mom is miserable with my dad (they were married before for 18 years, divorced, re-married, and are now an estranged marriage) and I have stayed by her side for 8 years instead of living my own life to try and make sure she was going to be okay both emotionally and financially. I personally have always despised him for many reasons, this I won’t get in to as it is a very long story but to add insult to injury, he admitted that he had the ability to help us, he was just choosing not too. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Like I said, I feel like they have betrayed me in the worst way possible after I had given up so much, especially to help keep my mom’s head above water.

My husband and his family (they live out of state) have been so supportive, I don’t know where I’d be without them. I don’t know how I will ever heal from this. I never wanted to do this, I wanted this baby with every ounce of my being and I was left with no choices. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive them. The wounds are deep.

Anyone else have experience with an unwanted abortion and lack of support? I could really use some friends who have had similar experiences right about now. Thank you in advance for your kind words, I hurt something fierce right now and I don’t know how I am going to put one foot in front of the other...God speed my friends.