Virginity

I've been thinking about the way I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a lot lately. It's been weighing on me and I've even had a few nightmares. We were hanging out at his apartment and out of no where he started kissing me and putting his hands on me. It was all okay. Even when he started taking off my clothes and he was fingering me. (Which he had done before) But then he started trying to push into me. (He had also tried this before, but I had always pushed at him and told him no) To be fair I had let him get that far. He pushed in a little with just the tip and I was okay. But the thing is I've talked with him many times and told him I didn't want to lose my virginity until after marriage. He kept pushing when he knew I wanted him to stop and broke my hymen. I've been trying to get over it. Telling myself that it's my fault for letting him go as far as he did. But was this consent? Does it count as rape? Please don't lecture me or make rude comments. I am of consenting age. Update: I had made it clear that I was adamant about waiting until marriage. The one reason I let him get as far as he did was because of the pressure he put on me all the time.We couldn't kiss a little without him getting upset because he would get a hard on and I wasn't wanting to have sex. In fact, the day he took my virginity is the day I got my first depo shot. I told him I got it, but I was very clear about the fact that I got it to ease my periods. Even after the act he admitted to me that he knew I wanted him to stop, but he continued anyway because it felt too good to him. I don't know if these things make any difference.