God always comes through and shows me the right path but honestly I think it’s just to devils work just dealing with people who are just you know backwards in and don’t really know what they talk about and it’s just hard sometimes living in New York City. I just feel like this is so much more shady people here and I just wish it was just somewhere I know I can go where there’s like reliable people God.

but I don’t know why sometimes I just have this problem of believing and still being scared that my life will not turn out the way I expect My Faith gets tested I thought every single day I literally have to pray just to get through the day and tonight want to just freak out sometimes because so much things are just going on right now and it’s making me sad one minute it’s making me happy the next but I just need to remember what I know I need to focus on which is God at all times because if I don’t this is how I tend to get and I just can’t deal with that.

And this sometimes there’s nothing I can really do because I cannot really not talk to people who I am but I swear some days I just want to become a loner and not talk to anybody like selective mutism like when I focus on my problems they seem so much more bigger than what they really are but sometimes I just really really wish that I just wasn’t here anymore there’s just more out there than what I’m used to growing up in New York City and the people that I’m used to I just pray that God brings me finances to where I can move out and hopefully just find somewhere better