Boyfriends lack of help with cleaning is gonna drive me insane

So I'll start by admitting that I can be a messy person. It's just embedded in my subconscious or something. I make messes but living in disarray makes me unhappy and anxious so I try to keep up with dishes, laundry, bathroom etc. I clean in spurts basically. Whatever, just some background.

My bf of almost 4 yrs never had to clean from my understanding. His mom did the bulk of the housework but his parents house was never spotless and perfectly tidy by any means. It was a little gross honestly but pretty much livable.

I'm starting to completely resent him because of course I sound like a nag for asking him to do any small task involving housework or our dog. I keep up with all the bills, I work, cook, grocery shop, I take care of our dog with walks, vet, feeding, and I clean. He just works and plays video games or gets out of the house just to avoid ever having time to clean.

My house is a mess rn and I want to clean but I just feel like leaving it and seeing how long it would actually take for him to do something about it, but there's no way I could wait that long. I also feel that any effort on my part will be almost pointless cus he's just always making more messes. This sh*t is making me depressed and I'm starting to feel like I can't even take care of myself cus I'm just overwhelmed by the constant chaos of our home. It's affecting our sex life and happiness with the relationship.

I can't even talk to him about this without him getting defensive and trying to bs me into believing he actually does enough. I'm becoming my mother and I'm becoming like his mother!!

I feel like it's just hopeless? Sorry for the novel but I really needed and outlet. Any advice?