It was March 12, 2018. I had my appointment with the doctor that morning, the next day I was to be 41 weeks. No signs of labor that I was aware. I was only 2cm last week. Appointment went normally, still a 2! And was going to get a non stress test to see how baby was doing. Last week my non stress test showed irregular contractions I wasn't feeling. About to go back to the next room for the test, and doctor saw my blood pressure. My range was always 128/69. That morning it was 145/98. She wanted to send me in to the hospital that day. Upon going home and getting my bags, my mother was with me. I called my fiancee who was at work at the time, to meet us there. We checked in maybe around 3. And by 4 I was gowned up, had my IV and paperwork signed, in my room and my future husband arrived. The doctor checked me, said 2-3. And decided to start pitocin. At this point my blood pressure was already back down to normal. It took a few hours to feel any contractions, it wasnt until maybe 5cm that they were regular and I could feel them, they wernt too bad. I could breathe through them, but they were a little painful. The doctor decided to break my water around 7cm, which was around 10pm by then. And I asked for something to take the edge off before hand and then the epidural after my IV of fluids was given during that time, it would be another 30 minutes after the water breaking that I got the epidural. I was afraid of the real pain kicking in after the water breaking because everyone says it gets worse from there. But I wouldn't know. I got the epidural. And then I was numb chest down. I could move my left leg some, my right was limp. So was my right hip, I requested to lay on my side some as my back was hurting, and they also gave me a 'peanut'? I think? pillow to spread my pelvic bones for easier dropping. It really did start helping! And then we waited for dilation, it came to around 1am or so. And they said I was a 9. Great this is going fast! But they said they felt a little 'lip' and got me to do pratice pushes to open it up. I did 3. And then we waited some time. Baby boy kept moving off his monitor so we had troubles watching his heart rate. So they stuck a monitor to his head for better accuracy. It was nearly 4am, and about once every 45 minutes starting at 1am. I would do 3 practice pushes. Then they did a final check at 4am. I was still a 9 with a 'lip'. I guess his head wouldn't slide past this measly 1cm? But upon those last couple of hours, baby boys heart rate would drop at the end of each contraction push, they ranged from 130 down to 40. And slowly back up. At some point it reached 30s, then slowly back up. Which caused the doctor to be concerned. Then around 4:15am perhaps? The doctor asked if I was okay with a c section if this continued? I'm on oxygen and half my body is limp. And I'm tired from all the practice pushes, but my first words are. "okay". But I'm thinking. I didn't want that. I wanted a normal delivery, I wanted everything to be normal, I didn't want a scar. Why can't we continue we're already there, full dilation pratically, there's nothing else you can do? And the doctor proceeds. Baby's heart rate can't handle the pitocin. They stopped the pitocin a couple hours ago because it was too strong. Off the meds my body wasn't doing regular contractions. And his heart rate dropped with the end of the contractions. Even the last two I could feel the urge to push, but when I would, I felt like he was coming down, but then his heart rate would drop. I could feel the urge to push dissappear, and him crawl back up. And then his heart rate would go back up. So it seemed everytime he came down, his heart rate dropped. And they wanted to send me back for a csection, and asked me if it was okay. I said yes. But I still wondered why there was nothing more they could do. But I said yes. If it kept my baby safe. But I felt the doctors we're giving up on me. They said I could have one person go with me in the OR. And I grabbed my husbands hand and asked him if he would go with me, and he gave me an immediate yes. Then that was it. They made everyone who was visiting and my mom leave the room, they got my husband to dress in his gown and stuff. And the anesteologist put something in my IV. I already had the epidural. But they were giving me something more. And said it may burn in my legs. And a couple seconds later. It did! My legs became fire and it was like a charley horse in both legs from thigh to toe. Then it traveled to my back and all of my body was cramping like 10/10 bad. I literally felt like I was set aflame. And I cried out tears and was pratically convulsing because it hurt so bad. And my husband was in the room to witness it. Then they wheeled me out and I was in the OR in less than 5 minutes. My husband followed. The pain still came and went in my shoulders, the cramps. As they were prepping me and putting up my blue curtain. But after a moment it went away and I was so glad. I was kind of afraid though. I was scared I would feel something. I was afraid I would feel the cut. I was terrified. It was too fast I wasn't ready and I didn't want it. The anesteologist was by my head. My husband to the side of my head. I looked at him and he said he loved me. So I said it back. I could only see his eyes through his medical suit. But his eyes calmed me. They're what I fell in love with. And the doctor called incision. My reponse was, "No! Don't tell me you're doing it. Don't let me feel it. I don't want to know". And a couple seconds later I could feel pushing, pulling, tugging. I knew something was happening. And I couldn't feel it. So I was somewhat relieved. With my husband by my head I was happy. But the tugging was uncomfortable. They even pushed on the top of my stomach really hard I lost my breath. And then I heard a cry. My husband said "thats our baby crying". And joy took over me a little. But I still lay there. Unable to move, and I started to feel like I couldn't breathe, like I was hyperventilating, and I looked around the room to see my husband followed the nurses to the warmer with our baby. And I was still taking sharp, quick breaths like I was out of oxygen. And I said to the anesteologist, "I can't breathe, please help me breathe". And he started squeezing this bag above me and I could breathe again. I don't know what he did, but it helped. The curtain was pushed away some, and there was a light above me for the doctors to see. And I saw a reflection of my belly in the glass. My stomach with a giant slit in it. And blood running down my chest. It was like something out of a horror movie scene. So I asked for the curtain to be moved closer. Once they cleaned baby boy and they were stitching me up, they brought him to me for me to see him. And everything was better then. I knew then, that everything was going to be okay. And then once everything was over. I was sent to recovery for 2 hours. And I barely remember it. The first 24 hours on the pain relieving IV drip was a blur. I got to hold baby boy, and so was everyone else. But I only remember a few things about that day. My husband left and returned after recovery with roses. And I remember that first 24 hours hurting like absolute hell. After I was able to speak some, I asked why his heart rate dropped during contractions, if the c section revealed why. And they told me he had a double nuchal cord (cord around the neck twice), and the cord was also around his forehead. Making it impossible for him to come out. We thought the cord around his forehead was the 'lip' they spoke of. So all in all, the c section was necessary. If we would have attempted a vaginal delivery the cord could have suffocated him. So I'm glad it happened. I'll just have to look at my scar as something that brought my baby into the world. With an apgar score of 9/9. Elijah Warren Johnston was born on March 13, 2018 at 4:32am at 7lbs and 0.9 ounces, and 19 inches long. So much tinier than I expected, when he was born at exactly 41 weeks. I sometimes wonder if the inducement caused the cord to do what it did. I wonder if the doctor would have waited he would have came normally. But none of it matters anymore. Because I have the baby I waited so long for.

My c section incision 1 week post partum.