In need of some uplifting..

I've been waiting for an old job of mine to start for about a month now. Because I am a rehire, my applications have to be approved all over again which can take longer. What they failed to tell me, was that because of budget cuts, the hiring process was frozen therefore they have to see if it can be unfrozen in order to hire me. So I've been waiting around and denying other opportunities for something that I don't even know if I will get anymore. I honestly don't even want this job, but I know it's fast and good money that will help me get out of my current living situation. In regards to my living situation, I live with my parents. I cook and clean and rarely am ever anywhere else in the house other than my room a majority of the time. My boyfriend is here quite often too and practically lives with us. He gave up his apartment because 1. His roommate left and 2. With his work schedule, he is rarely ever home that it became a waste of money. He's not consistently at our house because his children live else where. So when he has them he will be at his moms, otherwise, he is here with me. While my parents were out of town recently, we did have a drunken night after a loud and bad fight we had earlier during the day. We thought we were going to be over for good and he left. But after taking a deep breath and having some time to think, he decided to come back and fight for me.. we made up and everything was amazing. Cooked dinner for our friends and had some drinks. No fighting. But unfortunately, the tenants on my parents property decided to lie to my parents about what was really going on, making the situation seem like something it wasn't. They took it to extremes putting me and my boyfriend in an uncomfortable situation in this household. I came home yesterday after dropping my boyfriend off at the airport, to my dad telling me we have to have a sit down talk. Basically, he said my boyfriend is no longer allowed to spend nights at our house (which sucks because he is from far away therefore he will probably never visit). On top of all of this, my boyfriend left to go over 4,000 miles away for work in a days notice. I dropped everything I was doing and got to spend the last 20 hours with him, crying, to come home to this. He is my best friend, my partner, the most genuine sweet, loving, passionate, kind and caring man I have ever met. My heart aches without him and knowing that I will not be able to see or speak to him for 2 months not only sucks but now that he can't come home??? It's even worse! This is why I need that job, so I can leave. And if I didn't spend so long waiting for what was promised to me, I could already be out and waiting for him in our own apartment for him to come home.

But just wait.. it gets worse..

My boyfriend called me this morning to tell me he landed at his second to last destination and was about to take off again and the minute we hung up at 6am.. I received a text saying a friend of mine had died last night. I just talked to this friend. I just saw him when I was out with my boyfriend! I had the biggest crush on him for the longest time and when he actually asked me if I wanted to hang out... I turned him down because I am so happy in my current relationship that nobody else seems to interest me anymore. I'm not saying that I regret turning him down.. or that I wish I went out with him.. or that I'm sad because I liked him.. I'm sad because he was a good person and he didn't deserve to go so young and so soon.. I knew him.. as a bright spirited person and can still hear myself screaming his name as I saw him at the bars down town. I can still feel his hugs as my friend and I ran up in excitement to see him.

I cannot get out of bed.. I cannot stop crying.. everything I do, I cry...

The one person I would run to.. is working far away with no communication.. and I just feel like my world is falling apart.. I feel alone lost and empty..

I don't know how I am going to make it two months if I can barely hold myself together for a day...

Worst week of my life.