I've always wanted to be a mom.. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but like never thought I'd get postpartum depression this severe. I have huge breakdowns every day to the point that even my husband cries because he doesn't like seeing me suffer like this. He and and I both know I need help. I've seen several Dr's so far and all of them have dismissed my postpartum depression, even dismissed my referrals to seek professional help from someone to help me with this. I feel so out of control and angry and bitter and depressed and even writing this im already starting to cry again. I feel so hopeless it's making me not want to be a mom anymore and I feel like total shit for even saying that. Because I love my baby so much, but I'm scared of this getting more out of control then it is. I feel like I'm at a point of not wanting to take care of her anymore. Like I feel it's the best for her right now, because how can I take care of her when i can't take care of myself and having lack of help.