i know that my issues aren’t the biggest ones in the world. i know that so many people have it way worse than i do. sometimes i feel selfish for feeling this way and keep it bottled up. lately i’ve really been feeling like cutting, not killing myself but i have gotten to that point before. but tonight i really felt like it. i sat in the bathroom staring at a razor blade for fifteen minutes straight and luckily didn’t do anything, but i have done it before, when i was younger. sometimes i just want my pain to end or to punish myself and that’s probably fucked up but i can’t help the way i feel. i know most of you are going to say get help or talk to someone but i don’t want to. i’ve tried before and it never helped. it made it worse if anything. people just sit there and try to comfort you or tell me i’m too much to handle. that i’m just being dramatic or a baby. my feelings are real though. i have tried to speak with my mom, she said i was overreacting and trying to make up excuses not to go to school. i tried to speak with my dad and he said he didn’t want the doctors putting me on any pills and that was the first and last time we ever spoke about it. i tried to speak with my doctor about it. he said that i’m not depressed, that i was just in love. being in love shouldn’t make you feel like there’s no way out and that i should scar my skin. it wasn’t because i was in love either. sometimes i feel like it’s just me. i’m the reason i’m so depressed. i used to be so happy and confident and lately i’m just insecure and i hate myself. i feel ugly and like i’m not enough. i’m not writing any of this for advice or to make people feel sorry for me. i’m writing this because no one seems to understand me. i’m writing this because i needed to let it out. not to be judged or told to get help. but i know <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a> is a place where you’re supposed to be able to be yourself. i know it’s a place where i can come to rant. so before you go judging me or telling me what to do, please know that this is just me trying to get some things off my mind, not a cry for help.