Last month I did the most awful and out of character thing ever. I can't live with myself anymore. I grew up in a wonderful Christian home and believe in Jesus and am married to a Christian man and have a sweet 1 year old. I don't know what got into me. Please don't hate on me I already feel so much hate for myself. I became pregnant even after using emergency contraception. I had been experiencing a painful bout of depression already and once I became pregnant again I fell into this really dark place where I wasn't able to get out of bed to take care of my son and I hated my spouse and I denied God's love for me. I had a medical abortion at 7 weeks along with the support of my husband. After taking the first pill I had a moment of clarity and I called this place that could hook me up with Dr's who can help save my baby. I told my husband my change of heart and desire to make things right and he was angry at me for changing my mind and he made me remember how much I didn't want to have another baby. I ended up taking the pills that would push the baby out of my uterus and I bled so much and never went to my abortion follow up visit from shame and hate. I was hoping that I would get an infection and die for what I did to my unborn baby. It's been a month and I have a lot of good days, but I have these moments where I can hardly breathe remembering what I did and what my husband didn't support me in trying to save the baby. Please I'm asking for prayers that somehow in God's miraculous ways that I will still be pregnant with my baby. I believe God can even though it seems impossible from what happened. I don't know if He will though. Please pray..please give me advice on where to go from here. I didn't tell anyone else what I did because I know it was wrong. I don't know what to do to make it right. I know God can forgive me, but I feel like I won't ever forgive myself.