I was in a very complicated situation but long story short I was sexually abused pretty violently by a lot of men when I was very young. That was my first encounter with sex. I know my views on sex are skewed but I panic whenever things start to go to far. I've only tried once with someone I really trusted (turned out to be a pretty shitty person but that's not really the point). I was having a really bad night with my ptsd and he came over and picked me up. He just held me in his car and comforted me. It was great, I had always been alone during my flashbacks and I felt so much safer. After awhile he kissed me. It was ok for awhile and then he started to get a little more touchy. I let him finger me but when he tried to push things further I tapped out and said I had to go. I don't know what happened. Just the feeling of being touched there again and the thought of having sex again. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. It feels awful. I feel like I will never be able to have consenual sex. I'm terrified of having sex or being intimate but I want to. I just know that I'll end up panicking. Has anyone had any luck with just casual hookups? (I'm still not ready to be in a relationship yet)