I'm having a bit of a freak out and I don't know what to do.

The registrar was a bit harsh on Tuesday and her words have been playing on me ever since.

I am being induced at 38 weeks due to severe pain and SDP. I have a history of depression in pregnancy and have been on medication since I have become pregnant. I have a 5 year old daughter also. My pain has left me unable to work and mostly bed bound. I go to hospital regularly for a few days respite to break the cycle of pain.

I went to the hospital on Tuesday to get my date for induction. The registrar started off her conversation by saying I was basically selfish to want to be induced and I should put it out of my mind if I want one before 39 weeks as she's not going to do it.

I said I was confused because my consultant had agreed to do one at 38 weeks the last time I had visited due to the ongoing issues I have had for years. She then said that the chances of the baby being placed on a respirator at 39 weeks was 1% and at 38 weeks was 3%. If the baby needed respiratory intervention that I needed to be aware that I could have prevented it.

Of course I burst out crying. Started hyperventilating. She said that I should calm down and if my consultant had said that, I would have nothing to worry about and she would read the chart.

She read my chart and realised that there was years of history of pain there. She apologised and said that the doctors were equipped to deal with what ever would happen and not to worry.

I'm really worried about it now. I feel like I should just wait the next two weeks regardless. I feel like I'm being really selfish about it. I'm terrified that my actions are going to cause serious harm to the baby and I don't know if I want to go through with it anymore. I don't know any midwife who I can ask questions to. I don't know what to do.