I’ve been bi polar since I can remember, and I’ve had fits of depression and sometimes severe random anxiety where I’ll shake uncontrollably until I forget what I’m anxious about. This usually happens during lunch so I’ve come to the conclusion that I might not like big crowds of people. I don’t get nervous or care to walk in front of people but once I do I shake uncontrollably, like I said, and it will randomly go away. It doesn’t just happen during lunch, it happens, well, randomly. I can have random days where I have no anxiety and can talk to people I don’t know without being worried about a single thing when almost every day is nothing like that. I get angry easily and I have a very bad attitude a lot of the time in which it has started to affect my friends and family in ways where they don’t even want to talk to me or ask me how my day was because they’re afraid I’ll just tell them to leave me alone. I know this isn’t healthy behavior and deep down, This isn’t me. I love my family and friends and I hate what my moods can do to their whole day. Every single day, yes every one, I have a really bad mood and either someone makes it better or they make it worse and it lasts the whole day and I take it out on anyone except myself for letting it get to me and overrule me. I’m a very nice person to people I don’t know but it seems the people trying to do the most for me I end up making them resent me because I can’t be in a good mood for shit. I can’t be happy for any longer than maybe an hour, and then my bad moods push me in a closet and decide to be me the rest of the day, and I have no way of knowing how to control this anger and attitude and fits of depression where I want to sleep away my entire day and have no desire of getting up or doing anything or talking to anyone. I don’t know my whole point of writing this post. I don’t expect everyone to understand. I know most of you will tell me I need to talk to someone but I don’t have anyone I could talk to that would even take me seriously. I’ve come to a point where I don’t even see a future for myself because idk how someone like me would want to even survive long enough to make it to college or not be shy or a bitch long enough to make new friends and meet new people by myself. I really just needed to let things out. This app is almost like a diary entry for some people, including me.