Don’t mind me, just shouting into the void.

I was with a boy who I thought was my forever love. We planned our entire future together, started forming relationships with each other’s families, and he ended up leaving me because he “never got to experience being single”. I never could’ve imagined dealing with that kind of heartbreak.

It’s been months since that all happened and I’ve met someone new. He’s so willing to devote himself to me, he’s loyal and caring and I know all he wants is for me to be his....and that absolutely terrifies me.

I swear I’ve never had trust issues until now. My ex meant so much to me. He was my best friend, we promised each other the world. And then when it all changed overnight it kinda changed me too...

I feel absolutely terrified to give myself to someone new and I so badly wish I didn’t feel that way. He’s so understanding and so willing to be patient with me, but I know he’s absolutely crazy about me, and I feel like I could be crazy about him too. But I feel myself holding back because I don’t want to give him my heart and have him rip it out at any given moment just like my ex did.

I know they’re not the same person, but I feel like it’s gonna take me a long time to be able to build trust like that with anyone again, and I don’t want to be that person. That breakup motivated me to improve myself in so many ways, but this is the one thing that I feel genuinely really damaged me along with any/all future relationships I may have.

I want to skip the hard part. I want to be able to give this boy my heart. I deserve to find someone again. I am just so scared. I wish I could fast forward through the hard parts.