Finally had the courage to tell my husband no more! We had been together for 5 years when we got married. This month marked 2 years of marriage. The honeymoon stage, after marriage, lasted for about 6 months. I loved how he would tell the whole world we were married. I loved how he called me "wife". Then he began to distance himself from me, constantly drinking and going out. It was something we argued about continuously. Yes he used to drink, but never to the amount that he had begun to do. Before getting married we had started trying for pur first child. Six months in, still no baby, and I told him I didnt want children with him if he continued his behavior. We worked on us after that. He started to spend more time with me and showed me his love again. Our first anniversary came along. He still wasnt where I wanted things to be but he showed me effort. Come July 2017 we find out I am pregnant. He is over the moon! I have a slight fear but his excitement sort of reassures me that things will be okay. A month into pregnancy he becomes distant again. He begins to lie about where he has been. Suddenly he is getting drunk 2-3x a week. He says it's because he felt we got together to young and he felt like he didnt enjoy his "young party phase". We went out all the time, so that made no sense. Even though I was pregnant, it didn't matter. He continued to go out and continued to lie. He lied about having to go out of town for "work". This was wvery Wednesday for about a month. Come to find out he would head to strip clubs. He had the guts to kiss his pregnant wife good-bye, lie to my face, and then go enjoy half naked women. Day one I had told him I do not agree with strip clubs and he always told me he never had interest in those places anyway. We argue lile never before. I start to hate being pregnant. We separate for a bit because he decided drinking and alcohol were a priority. About a month later he says it is all out of his system and that me and the baby are #1. He works to prove it for about 2weeks... Now my trust is completely gone. I never leave out of fear. Fear of being a single mother. Fear of being alone. Not having a place to go and not being able to afford my own place. I was afraid and ashamed of telling my parents that my marriage had failed. I didn't not enjoy a single month of my pregnancy. Toward the 5th month of pregnancy he began to sexually reject me.He said my growing belly and thw baby made him feel weird. At this time we werent perfect but we were okay. He continued his drinking again and he would stop and make me #1 again. Then I find out that during our "okay moments" he had been asking someone on snapchat for sex. I was FURIOUS. It explained the real reason as to why I was being rejected. He said it was because I never wanted to try anything new. So I was open and willing to try what he wanted. That was all for nothing because I was still being sexual rejected. I fell out of love more and more each day because with each passing day he continued to show me that i was NOT a priority. He created profiles online looking for sexual encounters. I knew but never brought it up because we were getting closer to the due date and i needed a small amount of peace. But I had already decided that the next time I was done. Baby comes and he is a whole new man. We are both #1. Come week 3 he goes out 2x one of those nights he comes back drunk. The following week he is out again. this week again. Once again I find out he is asking his friends ex gf for sex and he lied about last nights whereabouts. So tonight my son and I sleep alone. He came by to drop off my car and see our son, which he hadnt seen since Wednesday. He is upset with me because I blame him for "everything". He says that the reason why he fell out of love is my fault. I ask why but he refuses to explain. He denies everything i told him he did. evetn after I show him physical proof he says that is not him 🤦‍♀️ okay whatever. He kisses out son, hugs him tight and begins to cry. He apologizes to him. My already shattered heart shatters even more. I am crushed that we are no longer a single unit. He puts our son to sleep and leaves. I am glad I had the strength to find the value within me and tell him no more. Seven years of my life no longer matter. My mother heart aches for my son. This is not how I imagined my family. maybe I should have stuck out for my son. He has; he said he wouldnt be with me if it wasnt for our son. But I was tired of sleeping next to someone who dreaded being with me. i was tired of us sleeping in our own corners. I am a romantic and emotional person. Each day we continued like this it killed me even more. I hate myself for doing this to my son. Do i have hope for us in the future? No. He didnt realize my value now and I am certain he never will. and if for some reason he does, it will be too late. Thank you for reading and thank you for letting me vent. Going to cuddle my beautiful son now. 💙

our first christmas

when he loved me

wedding

The End.