I was dating a guy and became pregnant. It was a shocker but nonetheless I was excited. I’ve never been the type to believe in abortions (and I don’t judge anyone who has gotten one or believe in them) and made that clear to him before I was pregnant.

Fast forward to a late period, I took a test just because not really thinking it would be positive, however it was just that. I kept looking at the test thinking this can’t be right lol maybe the line would disappear but nope I was pregnant. When I came out the bathroom he happened to be up and I explained how my period was late and that I had just taken a test and it was positive. He sat there for 30 mins (no exaggeration) without saying anything, no expression, reaction, NOTHING! I broke the silence by asking was he mad and he shook his head no. He asked what was I thinking to do followed by reasons as to why he feels as though we weren’t ready. I have 2 other children from my ex fiancé and he has 4 from his ex and stated he wouldn’t be able to afford another baby plus pay child support for the other 4. I broke down crying saying “so you want me to abort it?” And his response was no, whatever you decide to do, I’ll support you. That turned out to be a lie. I went to the doctors and confirmed I was 6 weeks pregnant.

The day before Valentine’s Day (8 weeks pregnant) I found out he was cheating on me and reached out to the girl. She told me how he had her in my car multiple times and she was under the impression it was his car, he never said anything about me and they were in fact in a relationship since December. She also stated how he would buy her things and has little nice gifts sent to her job meanwhile I was paying all the bills because “child support” was taking all of his checks. I was LIVID! And told her she could have him and also told her I was pregnant. I kicked him out of the house that same day. He told the girl I was some crazed ex that couldn’t get over him and when she questioned him about my car he stated it was HIS car just in my name but he was making the payments on it because I was struggling and when she asked about my pregnancy his first response was I was lying, there wasn’t a baby, however now the story is, it isn’t his baby smh. And yes they’re still together to this day.

I’ve never thought I would be in this situation and it’s hard going through this alone. Yesterday was my cousins baby shower and I secretly cried at times because I thought about how at my baby shower I would be there by myself without my child’s father next to me and how I would be delivering my baby without her father there. I mean even doctor appointments, I just started being able to go alone and not cry in the car afterwards. From the outside looking in, it seems like I have it together but nobody knows the hurt and pain I got through and how many nights I’ve cried not just for me but for my baby. I don’t want my baby to not have a father but unfortunately it’s looking like she won’t. I just constantly keep reminding myself that I am strong and I will overcome any obstacles and most importantly regardless of anything my baby will be loved by ME and her older siblings.

I apologize for the long post and frankly needed to vent. I also would like any advice from someone who’s pregnant and single, of things I can do make myself feel better when I do have one of these down moments. Thanks.