Boyfriend cheated & I can’t trust him now 😩

Where do I even begin? 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Ok, so I’ve been with my S/O for 5 years. At first it was all fun & sex, but I got pregnant after a few months into our relationship. It was scary but he stayed with me & supported me 100% through the pregnancy. He even convinced me to move in with him & his mom. Everything was great until after the baby got here...

I was being pushy & postpartum depression got me bad... He eventually had a car accident & I stayed to take care of him + the baby who was only 6months. He got nightmares after the recovery & was kinda depressed himself.

He didn’t take it easy & got distant, started lying a lot, some days he would even dedicate me little bit of his time. He’d rather play video games or hangout with friends most of the time. Only helped a little bit with the kid, would watch porn & text other girls behind my back.

I eventually got tired & one day I just left without even telling him. I moved back with my parents & for months I didn’t talk to him about anything non related to the baby (who by that time was 9months)

So after a few months he had a steady job, went back to college & finished his career. He did everything he could to prove he would change & he really wanted to get back together, so I gave him the opportunity (but I still lived with my parents, we just started dating again). After a year or so he got distant again & he left me 2 weeks before I was leaving on a family vacation “because he wasn’t good enough for me” (which was true, but still I loved that man).

I was heartbroken, I actually thought things were going great at the time but I guess I was wrong...

After I came back from the trip I insisted he gave me a better explanation & he told me he was just kinda depressed. But he changed his mind so we went back to dating.

A few months later I started feeling off, went to my obgyn & got tested... he gave me clamidia

I went to talk to him & taped the conversation in case we had any future legal issues, he admitted he fucked some hoe he met while we had just started dating & I had just gotten back from my vacation.

He paid for my meds, appointment with obgyn & test. He cried so much & was almost as heartbroken as I was. I forgave him (idk why) but I did.

I made some ground rules which till this day he still has followed 99% of the time & he’s been very honest/open ever since.

BUT lately I’ve been feeling kinda obsessed & controlling over him. I track him on Find Friends all the time to check if he’s where he says he’ll be or if he’s lying. I check his conversation every once in a while & he can’t talk to girls about anything sex/relationship related.

He said to a friend of our that he feels like he made a huge mistake just this one time (4 years ago) and now he’s a prisoner because of it. He loves me & even told him he wants to marry me but he can’t be treated like a dog.

(He doesn’t know I know that, but it made me feel so bad because it’s true & I can’t help it) I love him but I don’t trust him & I want too! 💔

Anyone been through a similar situation?

How did you manage your obsession?

How did you learn to trust again?