I wouldn’t be surprised if this turned out to be a long post. I apologize in advance.

My father.

Background:

My parents were high school sweethearts. Had me at age 20. Married about 4 years later for a short period (I don’t think it even reached a year). My dad cheated on my mom with my baby sitter (who’s about 7 years younger?) and my mom kicked him out. He had an off and on relationship with my baby sitter. It could be abusive at times, tons of screaming and walking out. He then married her when I was about 15 I think. My mom dated here and there, moved to a different state and got married in 09 after dating my step father for about 5 years. My step dad is the closest father figure to me. I visited my dad every summer growing up. I loved being with my mom more tho due to my step mom treating me like Cinderella, always bashing on my mom (out of jealousy), and always getting in between my relationship with my father.

My step dad already had a son my age. My dad and my step mom created 2 little ones who I recently figured out had to be around 13 and 9 years old. My step mom forced my dad to join the jehovah witnesses when I was about 15 and they’re still in it. My dad forced it onto me and we grew even further apart. My dads brother got married in 2013 and that was the last time I had talked to my dad. Why? My step mom often got in between our time together. She decided to keep my siblings away from me at the wedding because I guess there was a fight with my grandmother about me and how horrible she treated me. So she took it out on me.

Honestly,

I forgive my dad.

I mean I always wished he just got up and left instead of creating a relationship with me and then leaving. I often cried when I was younger because I didn’t understand why he didn’t love me like he loved my siblings. I forgive my dad for not being the brightest and seeing what my step mom did to me, to us. I forgive him for never trying to reach out and see me. I forgive him for dropping out of my life in 2013. I forgive him for cheating on my mom because now I get to see her happier than he would’ve ever made her. But I don’t forgive her.

My step mom took away my phone every summer and I had no communication with friends. If I talked to my mom she would spy and listen in (like hiding a baby monitor behind the bed I slept on that was later discovered). She would lie to get me in trouble. She would bash my mom on being a bad parent to try to make herself look better. I did chores while her little sister (who was also my age) sat their on her phone the whole summer and was treated like a princess. I didn’t mind chores, but I did when she would make me do things like staying outside to pick the dogs poop up for hours without water in Arizona’s heat. I always came back home (to my moms) burned.

Today:

Today I am married to my high school sweetheart and in the military. We are expecting our first baby in November. But lately I’ve been thinking about sending my father a message about everything I’ve accomplished since he’s been gone and telling him that I forgive him. I also don’t want to open up that door again because it was nothing but drama and pain. But this time, I’m an adult so it could be different. I also never want to open up a door to my step mom again, unless she apologizes, but I also know she will never do that.

I just wanted to type this out since I never talk about my dad and it’s been on my mind lately. Feel free to give your thoughts and opinions. I tried to sum it up the best I could. I apologize that it became kinda long.

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